Soaring amongst the clouds in Michigan, August 2019
The 7 Positive Reparenting Patterns
(adapted from the 7 Positive Parenting Patterns)
George Lockwood, Ph.D.
February, 2020
1) Emotional Nurturance & Unconditional Love
2) Emotional Openness & Spontaneity
3) Autonomy Support: A therapist seeing and believing in a patient’s capacity to succeed at important and challenging therapeutic and life goals.
4) Autonomy Granting: A therapist giving her patient the freedom to be the central author of his own therapy and life.
5) Dependability: Being reliably present and dependable in providing guidance and support.
6) Inherent Worth: Providing guidance in the pursuit of intrinsically meaningful life goals combined with remaining true to oneself and fair and respectful to others.
7) Confidence & Competence: Being, and coming across as, confident and competent as a therapist.
Below is a brief highlight of a discussion that is gone into in more detail by George Lockwood and Rachel Samson in the upcoming edited book, “Creative Methods in Schema Therapy: Advances and Innovation in Clinical Practice”. The sub themes introduced below are derived through a process of organizing the themes appearing in an item or group of items making up a given scale in a clinically and developmentally meaningful way and as such are not mean to imply empirically based sub factors.
Emotional Nurturance & Unconditional Love
This Positive Reparenting Pattern (PRS) is made up of three sub themes: Emotional Nurturance (comprised in turn of four discrete elements), Unconditional Love and Strength & Guidance.
1) Emotional Nurturance involves:
Deep Attachment: The patient feeling deeply understood, free to talk openly and with sufficient emotional space to be herself, experiencing her therapist as wise and comforting and having sufficient shared time.
Affection: Receiving affection in a well-timed and attuned manner by a therapist who is warm and affectionate. Given the complexities of touch, warmth and non-physical affection are usually the main elements here.
Day and Night Availability: Being confident his therapist holds his needs in mind beyond the face-to-face session and will be there for him at times of high stress/crisis within appropriate professional limits (e.g. scheduling an additional phone call, organizing extra support, providing a transitional object, or providing email reparenting messages).
Openness: Having a therapist who is emotionally open, expressive and who uses self-disclosure that helps to foster connection.
2) Unconditional Love: Involves a therapist who is patient and respectful in the face of a patient’s mistakes and amidst conflict with her, who sets appropriate limits in a respectful and caring way when needed and who readily admits his own mistakes.
3) Strength & Guidance: Providing help in setting goals and following through on tasks, giving sound advice and direction, and being supportive and encouraging in the face of challenges.
Emotional Openness & Spontaneity
The PRS discussed above, Emotional Nurturance & Unconditional Love, as primarily involved with the minimization of negative affect. The amplification of positive affect, as involved in the mutual play, openness & spontaneity themes that make up this scale, is also central to the development of a secure attachment and positive schemas.
Autonomy Support
This PRS involves believing your patient and seeing her as capable of succeeding at challenging and valued goals. It involves looking out for, developing and celebrating strengths and capacities in a positive and respectful way. Part of this means not losing sight of the patient’s potential, even during prolonged difficult stretches when things seem to be getting worse.
Autonomy Support is made up of two facets:
- Looking for and seeing capability (e.g. believing in a patient’s ability to succeed at challenging goals).
- Praise and a positive focus (e.g. being proud of your patient when he succeeds at something important and focusing on what he did well without needing to point out mistakes or flaws).
Autonomy Granting
This involves a respect for a patient making their own choices, their privacy, and their ability to navigate and handle their life without frequent coaching or monitoring. We see an openness, interest and attunement to a wide range of temperaments, preferences and life choices as a central aspect of this construct. A therapist who is high in this theme will come across to the patient as open, non-judgmental and accepting. This PRS has wide relevance in therapy.
Dependability
Dependability involves, among other things, the therapist demonstrating that she can be relied upon to not abandon the patient; stand up for, protect and advocate for her when needed; be steady, consistent and responsible; follow through on promises and tasks (e.g. homework); know when to hold her in mind outside of regular sessions and be available to provide extra support; and be available to guide and support her in developing the discipline and impulse control to pursue central life goals when needed.
Inherent Worth
This PRS involves helping a patient learn to prioritize being true to himself, fair and companionable, on par with or ahead of impressing others or winning or acquiring status or money. Central to this is learning to function adaptively within the competence hierarchies the he finds himself in or chooses to take part in.
Confidence & Competence
This PRS was found to be associated with a child experiencing her parent as being emotionally strong, steady and predictable; being effective at getting things done; and having realistic expectations of him or herself. As a therapist, this involves, among other things, coming across as sufficiently secure, confident, flexible, open and assured. This PRS also involves being comfortable with and open to tough questions or challenges from patients and, through this, learning from them in the process of them learning from us.
© 2020, George Lockwood, Ph.D. Unauthorized reproduction without written consent of the author is prohibited. For more information, email: George Lockwood, Ph.D., Schema Therapy Institute Midwest: george@schematherapymidwest.com